I would not have worried more. “Life” without others is not life. My single life story has served to construct more than that I thought of myself. Daily business has shown more than myself failure to construct without others. I cannot cry anymore. Do I need to go through and discover more or capitulate? Neither the former nor the later serve to teach me a better way!
Coming from a communist and socialist background my parents left me very early. Probably this was both a problem and a solution together. Yet, I was within a dilemma then and now between the red-sea and the devil.
On my dry small bed today, my thinking about life-home is much worsen not by the absence of my dearest family but racism. The failure to realize my being. Since I do grow barely alone, my experiences were not all many will want to hear. However, what is worst is after realizing-both what is self-independent by meaning and in practice is that my dignity has not been embraced by all. I never refuse any person of his or hers. Why it continue not to be reciprocal is a doubt yet unanswered. Is it because of my colour, religion, thinking, culture etc.? Africa cannot be refuse of her rich hood of humanity or to an exaggerated extend “the origin of humanity”. If this holy statement is anything to go by, I do not know why Africans more than any other “race” are denied recognition of what it entails to be human. Is there any other crime more than denying others of their true status? What I am saying here by status is of course the equality of being human. The right(s) to self-determination. Here my reflections are again going back to when I was still 11 and all the best I saw on TV was far from my “race”. All I could see with my sad tinny black eyes were superiority versus inferiority. Even though I could clearly see the imbalances then, I was nowhere to control it. When I switch off the TV, on the other media is worst. What I undergo today is no difference. But is this truly human nature? I doubt it. As a child I do play and jock with “white” and “black” dolls but there I never felt victimized. Identity regarding colour was barely unknown to me. Racism was then undergoing very low or unknown. But when I grew up to read more literature at the secondary schools, my sensibilities arose. Still young, I would debate within my mind whether or not what I was reading was factual. All I read was either poverty, diseases or war. What was even more surprising was it were all connected to Africa and anything else I read outside Africa was adorable. Why was this? Probably my senses on international politics of subjection and dehumanization was still primitive and basic then.
Oral African stories will narrate to you that Africans are great people, intelligent and accommodating. African melodies tell you the same. My culture holds very well to dignity which is self-determination and recognition from a distant party. My society thought me to respect others. My religion and other African religions hold to that too. Then the stories about Africa connected to wars, diseases and poverty are a western construction(…now a disgracing self-fulfilling prophesy). It could be argued that Africa’s largeness embedded more than I could see by then. But were these invisible to those western authors. My part of Africa was ever peaceful. My parents whose love left me very young never thought me Africa was ugly. They could read to me all the best of love for Africa. They were not individualist. My development begins here. They taught me history, politics and law. They said Africa is a very tolerant continent. At this juncture in the wimps of neo-colonialism and globalization, I felt Africa should have been arrogant well before today’s failure. My peoples failure to conserve their own literature led to my present condition today. Their socialism upon invaders will cost us more. Their openness was self- destructive.
God believing and religious people, my ancestors were forgetful of me. There goodness to others under whose umbrella I crawl today was a grave mistake. I wish it never had happened.
Leaving with a colonial or neo-colonialist certificate to the college, here I met the colonial masters. Africans who embraced western thoughts were the masters over the “primitives”. This class(‘primitive’) which I belong then, I was basically thought to welcome new civilization. But what was this civilization? My ancestors were thrown away by their own grandchildren. The effects of colonialism can never be forgotten. I was taught to impose upon myself “inferiority”. “White” gods were embraced. My tutors in front of me were inside white and outside black. My arguments until then were never simple. My parents should not have left me alone that early. I would have asked about the contradictions. What they told me about Africa and what the “white-black” man was teaching me at the college were different. The differences where great but the greatest thing was African history. Africa in my college books was white man invention. African to them was ever enclave in slavery, colonialism, diseases and abject poverty. Refusing to read and arguing against this position was tantamount to awarding myself a failure. Competition was concentrated on who know well about the west. Your ability to deduce your own folks was awarded with excellence. Those of us who deny the “undeniable” western manipulation of African history were punish heavily. My beliefs could not be exchange for a colonial certificate. My intelligence was refused because I refused western thinking off to my own. I prefer to be in mental freedom than distinctions under mental torture and bondage.
Instructions that were all foreign and outside real African academic jurisdiction were never criticized. They were always adopted and enforced regardless to anything. Neo-colonialism is harder living than under a tin-pot African dictator. In fact I prefer African dictatorship to western crafted democracy for Africa. Tough I am myself a great fan of democracy but not when it comes the western way. Africans should define their own profile against bad dictation from the academic calendar and drawing boards to religions and cultures. I will not worry much had most African governments truly against the West for self-construction- the general well-being of Africa-unfortunately, I cannot see beyond my nose the successes these ‘African leaders’ claim to be achieving.
What is leading many Africans to their untimely grave is not purely African but rather a western construction-western dictators. Here I want to vehemently argue that many of those tin-pot African dictators were most of the times influence by westerners. It is the West that sponsors them ideologically and technologically even though most remain primitive. Many African dictators became naked after sharing a soup-pot with their western sponsors. Hardly will any African dictator succeed without an outside support.
We (as Africans) buried many brothers in the Sahara on the run for their lives. This great desert continuous to teach every African what his/her higher education in denied him/her off. The greatest exodus of my people left me in the wilderness thinking whether the western constructions has not let to a self-fulfilling prophecy. The inability of Africa to accommodate her own sons and daughters is more than losing a continent-hood. The mobile referendum of the African people outside their homes is a measurement of the inhabitability of Africa. But the question who is to blame can never be discussed without divergences. Even though I continue to blame most of my beloved continents’ greatest fiasco to the West, I still in honest terms believe her own faith continue to determine the Western myths. The mythology that “Africa” is a fail continent in western terms is a gateway to rubbing Africa, and Africans believing in it(this western mythology) is a great success to that end. When a child is convinced by the society that he will fail in life, he easily fail and vice versa. Africans are first made to believe themselves as inferiors and their counterparts as superiors. This continue to be an ideological warfare coming from outside Africa but time is running out against Africa to disapprove this mythology of African inferiority. Why is Africa standing behind? What has gone wrong?
At the college, when I was training to be a qualified teacher, I was taught to be critical. However, this was a good side of my college experiences. What was bad was that my critiques could be allowed when they are made towards my own civilization. My own culture. My beliefs. The West even to an average African undergraduate are perfect or nearly so. But I would not have worried that much if this believe is individual or just primitive.
Under a canopy to be at the same time a critical professional journalist, my scopes against invasion were growing. My understanding towards Africa and its interests to let her children not suffer stampedes. My auditor who was a politician always welcome my headlines. The only place where my critical views could be hard was here. The media he always tell me dictates the world. He was the first to tell me Africa cannot attain her own will and required global recognition until she ignores the western media. From here on, I was inspired to be a journalist. Through our local media at the college level, I have published many articles much of which were a critique towards the status quo. Bless with skills to put words into action, I was into caricaturing public figures. Was this the time I called public attention? Maybe yes. The college notice board was from then the best common gathering. The attention that was shown by public figures and ordinary individuals encouraged me more into what many was either scared of or failed to do –criticizing the status quo. The day I met the registrar and the principal of the school discussing while watching a caricature of themselves on a college noticeboard and asking who I was gave me further spirits. In this accidental early morning contact with them while replacing other articles at the noticeboard, I got interrogated and as was identified. They were not conservatives. They motivated me. They asked for clarifications before any future publications of articles. The public and student roar that could not let calm the administration made me to first experience dictatorship. From then on a censorship began. Fist, for all freedoms to be granted academic freedoms must be given space. My college could not allow freedom of speech because it will risk her autonomy and let her naked. Pushing more articles under my name tantamount failure for me. Must I capitulate under this condition? No. I was ever courageous until the D-day. The day I was formally condemned and prevented from publishing on the College newspaper taught me a lot. I began to critically ask myself of what was abnormal. My moves which I could not help control made me a “black sheep” at the college. Nonetheless, believing ever in what I do, I could not be distracted. The presence of my parents again would have been useful here. Passing from them young, I could still remember. They used to tell me a lot of wisdom. “Do not give-up”, “What is Important is What Comes out of You and not What you Ware”, “The Majority is not always right”, “Find home even in the jungle on the truth”, “Think before you leap”, to mention but a few guides me through and this is both culturally and religiously true for many Africans.
My links after to study Political Science and International Relationships were never accidental. My parent who were not very active in politics were rich in political thoughts. I could realize this when they mediate among other people. When they communicate it was rich beyond home consumption. Even they could not see me read politics at that level and engage in it at national platforms, I am grateful I owe them this inspiration.
Having undergone a difficult atmosphere at the college, I was better prepared for the university. I had cultivated well. The bad wind that blows me throw upon me some good will. Experience to fight. Combating for justice was always my first slogan. Politics ever found a great space in my heart. I read mountains on African history and politics. I learned to emulate many freedom fighter in Africa. All of a sudden I was nicknamed a Pan-African. Whether this was true at that time was something I had to figure out. While not refusing the public claim, I was already one. My colleagues who used to pull my legs at the university were mostly politician themselves. At table conferences on the way out for Africa, I always take the lion share. I was more connected to research on “The African Condition” than to studying for marks. I think this was why I was ‘more stuffed’ then many of my colleagues at the centre table. Organizing symposiums on Africa became my way. One memorial event of such was the greatest debate ever organised in the Gambia College for years(2009–12) which I personally pioneered but happened to be a debater for the motion. The motion which was “African’s underdevelopment was internally induced” was defended by the HTC (Higher Teachers Certificate) students against the PTC(Primary Teachers Certificate) students. Some events passed across with less public attention but most were very successful.
My faculty that was said to be the most democratic at the university do not find funds with ease. In fact majority of those who study politics then had to sponsor themselves. Other department attracted government scholarships. Ours was considered an ‘opposition’. The government felt very reluctant to award even the most brilliant students who chose to study politics. Again academic freedom was ‘denied’. The means to an end. Every African government who wills to stay in power first ‘destroy oppositions’. They could only trespass smoothly in such a doing. Until today, many African universities do not have academic freedom.
My story that could tell a little about every African, is an interesting one. African embracing after losing wars against their colonial masters found themselves “more secured” in the constructed colonial borders than their ancestral ones. Africans are contended to be identified as Gambians, Nigerians, South Africans, Tanzanians, Malians etc. than sharing a common continent or in fact refusing a colonial flag. This will also lead into whether they are either French-speaking people or English speaking people throwing out their ancestral ethnic groups. This self-denial of one’s nature leads to cultural and traditional breakdowns if not total extinctions to some forms. Refusing to be identified as one Africans help more to allowing western invasion. My own intelligence at school, college and at the university was measured by how fluent I am in English language. An African child is happier to be fluent in one or two colonial language than traditional ones. I still cannot count more than five African languages that are taught at a university level. Whether or not these languages are in fact recognized in their neighbouring countries is another great debate. African disunity was fundamentally link to themselves not using a common language. Very few West Africans could find comfort communicating to an East African without using a colonial language. Since even traditional communications are polluted extensively by this foreign languages, African identity is threaten.
Language as a basic tool to identity, culture and dignity was first interrupted by western invasion into African territories. Even political campaigns are mostly carried in this foreign languages. Many African parliaments never discussed about introducing discussions in their own local languages. It is not unusual for an African parliamentarian or public figure to be quoted for grammatical errors. This has made the Golden Continent not receive comments from many parliamentarians who became silent not to be ridiculed the next day in the media. Political appointments are most often made on whether you are from a Western university or not. Africans are found to be both haters of the West and friends at the same time. This two contradictory futures are yet to be tabled and largely not many African knew this. I have to be frank. In other to be marked well in exams, citations were preferred from Western authors than African writers even about Africa. Africa was designed by the West to be consumed in inferiority and Africans sadly fuels this. Hardly could I find African literature in the selves of the library. African universities will rather spend a million on a single western author than promoting thousands of African writers at a lower cost. Was this the cause of why I cannot realize myself in a western university. I doubt not.
Many African religions found their roots outside her borders. Islam and Christianity has chased away forever many ancestral religion. Another cause for continuous unrest in the golden continent. Islam or Christianity as imperial instrument do not welcome traditional religions. They were rejected outright from dominance. Since the locals were found very fragile to defend themselves, their ideologies easily faded out with their religions. Islamic or Christian civilizations took dominance. Indigenous civilization and origins disregarded and considered barbaric. The indigenous Africans were divided within themselves into Christianity or Islam welcoming unrest. Most political instabilities were not know to African before this religions. The importations of these “superior” beliefs destroy African religious independence. The gods outside Africa were stronger and more powerful than the local gods. Since Africans beliefs were highly associated to which god one worship, the invaders trade first in this ideological war using a divide and rule system to conquer. And due to this calamity, I could not see what my ancestors really had as their gods. This indispensable dignity was denied from me and many other Africans. The question what were our traditional religions is no more relevant to the majority of Africans. Religion goes around self-identification. Dignity in a nutshell. What I face today in a Western society is surely link to this. I cannot easily claim originality without a linkage to one or two western ideologies.
Even though Islam is fairly link not to be a western culture, was because Islam and Christianity were nearly always enemies in dominance for Africa. In many western societies who are aware of this historical background tends to discriminated Islamists. When I speak as a person, my ideologies are first link towards Islam and other things only secondarily. My African Christian friends experienced a different prejudice. Sharing one colour and cultural heritage but at divergences before a western fellow because he is convinced I am less “tolerant”. I was found to be a Muslim. While figuring out why my views are less accommodated in a western society, I first must allow their views to be more democratic, open and superior before an ear is given to my views.
Adaption or surrender? Inferiority or superiority? Documentation or refusal? Christianity, Islam or other western mind-sets? Dominance or total self-censorship?
While may of this questions find contrasting answers inside me, the reality cannot be refused. I am forced to eat a bread singing against my own dignity. I do not need freedom without floor nor do I need floor without liberty. I am either provided all the rights linked to a democratic society or denied all.
I used to read as an undergraduate that many westerns are now sympathizers of Africa and that many regretted their past actions and in-actions. There is nothing more hoodwinking than this. This is a total falsification. Until now what is evidential is the West trying to occupy and plunder more African resources than ever before. Their refusal to share a common table over essential global decisions are self-evidently plenty to be mentioned herein. The West never on their drawing boards had a good uncorrupted intention towards Africa. After clearly reading from secondary schools to undergraduate level, and now accidentally under western wimps directly, I cannot ask them to fool me more. Mine (and ours) is a total ‘inferiority’ under western analysis.
Africans compelled away from their homes continue to be a self-denial to real human status. Stops, questions, mockery, bad winks continue to pave our way. Continuous stops by police on my way to school taught me that humanity holds no fair judgment. Even my close friends were attracted to me because I an African and not because we are equally homo sapiens. The first question every “white” man ask me of is, why are you here? I can never remember asking another coloured person why he was in Africa. Was this because I thought Africa was for all? Was I more democratic and freedom conscious? At the sight of this question I feel really bad. Not because I do hate the question itself but the motive behind it. I can fully remember running to plug fresh mango fruits for other coloured people in Africa as a gift to them. I cannot forget other Africans giving their comfortable houses to other coloured people in the name of humanity. What do we African receive as a compensation for our goodness? Our hospitality?
I cannot imagine being refused human identity for the mere fact that I am African. Being in Europe all I seemingly perpetuate fighting for is an identity…an African identity is lost…finding it seems a matter of wait-and-see.
My well-founded, excellent, original ideologies are denied until associated to a non-African thinker.
[To be continued…]
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